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The Catastrophic History of You and Me by Jess Rothenberg



“You can obsess and obsess over how things ended—what you did wrong or could have done differently—but there’s not much of a point. It’s not like it’ll change anything. So really, why worry?”


I picked this book solely based on its title.  Yes, I’ve read some of the good and bad reviews and still I go on with it. I just hope it will turn out different.

The story is about Brie who died from broken heart, literally. Her father is dumbfounded to learn the cause of her daughter’s death. He even becomes obsessed to find answers why and how her daughter died of acute massive coronary when he knew his daughter is strong and healthy.

Brie is selfish. She didn’t listen with Jeff. She didn’t listen again with Patrick. She’s too stubborn. She’s overwhelmed with her emotions and unreasonable most of the time. You can’t really make a person listen to you unless he chooses to right? It’s like you’re trying so hard to wake up a person who pretends that he’s sleeping.

Grief has 5 stages – Denial,  Anger,  Bargaining,  Sadness and Acceptance and Brie has gone through all this stage. The best part is her acceptance and as much as I would love to reveal what is Patrick ‘s role in her life I wouldn’t spoil the fun. I’ll try to keep the good stuff for myself this time. HahaI have to admit there’s a portion in the  book that put me into sleep most of the time. Some parts are annoying and I’ve wished it was not there so I wouldn’t have to suffer from reading it.Reading about a heroine in 10th grade is too much for my patience. I guess this is the consequence of picking a book not appropriate for my age. I should have seen this coming. But I wanted to read something new and it’s my first time to read a book from this author. It doesn’t hurt to try, right?

As I said there are dull moments and felt like a pain in the butt. I have no choice but to  drag myself to continue with it so I wouldn’t have regrets if it turns out good. I simply don’t want to abandon it. If this turns out bad, well, it’s part of life. Just like in the movie,  when Forest Gump said that life is like a box of chocolate,  you’ll never know what you’ll gonna get. That’s the same with picking a book, eh?

This is what I’ve gone through while reading it. There are times I wanted to give up and check out other books that I’m sure much better than this. It’s tiring to watch Brie hurt herself over again for someone who doesn’t deserve her. It’s much more easy to let it go than scheme revenge  for Jeff and Sadie than subject herself through pain again.

Why did I ever read this, you might ask. Why put myself in this situation when I can choose a better one? A friend of mine died. We’re not close friends or as in close as in you can make him mad for throwing mean jokes at him and still OK with it. He’s one of my Facebook friends. I’ve wished it had been more real. Even if we’re online friends he makes me feel he’s real. He died June 26, 2014. I was surprised the following day upon reading in my Facebook feed that he already passed away. I knew he was recovering then and the shock to find that he was gone was like I’ve lost a good friend.

I was thankful and lucky that I’ve met someone like him. He might never read this but I hope he would feel that I will surely miss him.  He’s a great man and I knew his family will surely missed him.

Where was I? Oh, back to the story.

The Catastrophic History of You and Me is a sad story. But then, that’s really the book is all about. It’s a good read for those trying to take a glimpse how a dead person cope with his death. How Brie copes with the five stages of grief.

Would you want to read it? If you are up to reading YA, well, this book will suit you. If you’re not used to  reading teens whining and being unreasonable at times at least you can avoid it or have an open mind and give this book a try.

Would I consider re-reading this? No way. That will be like dying twice. Hahaha 

4 Stars


Rogue Male by Geoffrey Household


One good thing about reading a book written in first person POV, it gives me access to the protagonist mind. It excites me. He lets me see and feel his emotions over things that he’ll going to do next. I could feel him through his words.  I could feel I was there right beside him. I could feel everything.

Rogue Male was my second quest in my pursuit to read something ‘classic’ and outside of my comfort zone. The first attempt was the The Collected Short Stories of Lydia Davis which I don’t think I could finish immediately. This was a task I imposed lately upon myself to widen my reading experience.

Our male protagonist was a wealthy aristocrat Englishman and well traveled. He was unnamed the entire book but every where he went every one knew him. He was named Rogue Male, a sobriquet given to him by the law enforcement and those who wanted to kill him. Eventually, he was captured and tortured.

He was accused of stalking and plotting to assassinate Hitler and they believed he was employed by his government to do the job. They believed he was on a solo mission and were shaken that a man like him could undertake  such impossible quest. He vehemently denied their accusations against him but no one believed him. After he was brutally  tortured, they took him over the cliff and left him there alone. He considered death as his escape; a cure for his pain. He should be happy of this but couldn’t feel it. He moved slowly out of the marsh where he dropped and looked for a place dark enough to hide his body, get some sleep and gather his strength.

He knew it would not be long before Hitler’s minions would be back to look for his body and make his death appear an accident. Now, the hunter is being hunted. He needed to survive. 
He went back to his mother country because he thought he would be safe there. But he was wrong. Hitler’s minions are still after him.

He devised a plan. His present condition had forced him to live like an animal and think like one. Hiding under the ground in a small space isn’t one would wish to live forever. He knew his hunter  will soon discover his hiding place.

The events that followed made me antsy and edgy. The throbbing of my heartbeat was up notched enough to make me deaf. Oblivious of the loud whizzing of my decrepit old electric fan near at the corner of my bed didn’t distract me from tearing my eyes off of the page.

Reading Rogue Male was a big surprise for me. I was like watching a James Bond movie only in a paper back version. I pictured Sean Connery as the Rogue Male here.

A great deal of the story was spent on how he built his underground hole and how would he live there without attracting  attention to himself. Which I find too detailed, too long  and made me a little sleepy. But I understand the author. It was really needed so that as a reader I would know how one could live like an outlaw. How would it feel like  being hunted by both the law enforcement and the hired killer. One wanted him locked up in jail. The other one wanted him dead.

The part how he outsmarted Quive-Smith made me fist into the air and shouted ‘Yes!’

How did he survive Quive-Smith? What drove him to go on a solo mission to plot and kill the worst leader of all time? I’m not going to write it here. I suggest you read Rouge Male.

Always You


What if you knew you’re going to die because of a disease that also killed your father? You knew it’s coming but don’t exactly know when the symptoms will ever appear or not. But you have more time to live it, meaningfully. You have more time to spend it wisely with your love ones. Your family knew it and somehow they have warnings. You will be ready. They, too, will be ready. Would you pick this kind of life for you?

What if you never knew when will your life ends? You’re healthy. You live carefree. You live one day at a time and then in a blink of an eye you’ll die in an accident. Without warning you’re gone.You’re not ready. Your family isn’t ready. They are not prepared. Would you pick this kind of life for you?

Given the chance, which one of the two would you choose?

For me, I honestly don’t want to choose. I’m afraid one day I’ll die because of an incurable disease or in an accident or worst old age. I don’t want to be put in a home care while waiting for my body to wither each day and become helpless.  But if I have no other option I want my life to end without becoming a burden to my family. I don’t want to see them suffering while I’m in pain and struggling for my last breath. I want it peaceful. I want it to happen while I was sleeping and I don’t have to wake up.

Death isn’t an easy subject for me. I don’t know if I would have the same attitude the way Dalton accepted his fate. The way he faced his disease and kept a positive outlook towards life showed a strong character few people could possess.  He’s full of hope. He has the love and support of his family and Wrenn, her girlfriend.

After reading I Am No One You Know by Joyce Carol Oates, I decided to pick this book. Always You is a light read but will make you question how you view your life right now.

Give me sweet dreams Tate


Sweet Dreams. Kristen Ashley 


Sweet Dreams is the 1st book I’ve read from the author Kristen Ashley. Although I’ve read positive reviews from it I can’t ignore some minor negative feedbacks. I read them first before investing my time into the book. It gives me fair warning before I end up frustrated or disappointed. I guess old habit dies hard. Usually I heeded the warning. But not this time. I picked up Sweet Dreams, dumped the first book I’ve chosen, but there’s this nagging feeling I’m making a bad choice.


Like other readers, I’m curious what the fuss is all about.


Lauren is a divorcee who moved out from gated village to Carnal nowheresville  to start a new life. She has everything wanted by any woman: successful career, gorgeous husband, beautiful house, posh neighborhood, stylish friends, and lived in suburbia. But she feels incomplete.


Since all relationships are put to the test, hers isn’t spared. Her perfect marriage life started collapsing. Her husband and bestfriend cheated on her which is going on for years and her docile friends accepted it just because they ALL thought they aren’t matched for each other. Worst thing is, she is the only person who doesn’t know about it.


After the divorce, she wandered aimlessly from different cities for months until she got to the town called Carnal. The author has fondness for quirky character names and naming places.  When I first thought about Carnal the first thing that popped inside my head are the two towns  Sodom and Gomora, which are mentioned in the bible that were burnt to ashes by their gods due to their unhealthy sexual  practices. But Lauren is right. Carnal is so ordinary none can associate the town with other prominent cities not even Sodom and Gomora. It’s a nowheresville where the likes of her can start a new life.


Tate Jackson is a huge biker  con pro football player con cop turned bounty hunter. He has execrable manners when pissed. He could lashed out anyone near him with his foul words when in bad mood. Lauren bore the brunt of his anger during their first meeting at the Bubba’s bar where she got a waitress job owned by Tate, Bubba and Kyla. She avoided Tate whenever he’s around but he isn’t inclined to do the same.


Tate’s character is a badass and domineering alpha male, but under that strong facade, he takes care of his son, bar none. His love for his son make him even more attractive and lovable to female readers. Nothing makes a woman love a man more than seeing how much he loves his child.


There is physical attraction between Tate and Lauren. At first,  it’s like a dog-cat relationship.  But Tate has implied his interest in a bikers’ lingo that confuses her much. Later the relationship slowly  developed, which brought them closer together. They set aside their differences when one of his waitresses was killed by a serial killer. This turn of event added more excitement to the readers.


Lauren has bad insomnia. And Tate has brilliant  solution for this. He gave Lauren mind-blowing sex so she could sleep well at night. Hmmm. Not a bad idea. Can I have that too, Tate? Ha ha. Silly me.

There are several issues that didn’t convince me well that I would like to point out. She appeared unaware of the cheating. Isn’t it being a woman, our intuition if triggered or pricked for no reason could tell us that there’s cheating going on. It’s like a woman’s armour/defense.  Any woman who’s in a relationship could feel if her partner is cheating. Getting him caught is just a solid proof. The gut feel is enough to convince her there’s something wrong in their  relationship.


Her so-called friends didn’t even bother to tell her the truth. I mean, at least one of them has told her the truth. But not in this book. It seemed their minds work the same way. As if all of them don’t use their brains. All right. I’ll just assume all of her friends conspired to ditch her out of her meaningless marriage life. It’s a blessing in disguise after all. Come to think of it, the author probably want that too. Nevertheless, I still stand with my point. I believed not all people think the same way given the same circumstances.


Lauren is coming home to Wood’s place mostly every night and they just slept. She’s in his bed, sleeping beside him practically every night.  Is it possible? Hell, I don’t buy it. If Wood is sleeping beside me, and he’s gorgeous as Tate is, I wouldn’t promise to keep my hands off of him. I would make sure he’ll wake up in a blissful dream. Ha ha


After reading Sweet Dreams, I felt like the reading soul in me has evaporated into thin air and finally said goodbye. My confidence  in grammar has dwindled. The writing style isn’t a good influence for neophyte writer. If I adopted this style, my Nazi professor in creative writing will definitely give me an ‘F’ mark without a blink.


Having sweet dreams is being able to sleep at night free of worries about relationship, financial difficulties, career and life even if something is wrong. To hell with the problem. It’s always there and no one is exempted from it. It’s how we deal with our problems that matters. We made mistakes, we picked up ourselves, we learned from it and we moved on. That’s life. It’s acceptance for what you have in the present and making the most out of it. 

If you don’t mind reading a book with numerous grammatical errors and long winded sentences, you can  give this book a try and you might survive it. I did. It didn’t hurt me much for picking up this book. And it gives me reasons to rant about it.


The Cat and The Smoker


photo credit The New Yorker

The Smoker by David Schickler

I accidentally came across this short story from a writer I frequently stalked for something I would like to read in her blog. I think she wrote one article for The New Yorker. She said she liked the story and mentioned something about a cat. I have no idea what the story is all about except that there’s a cat in it. So I clicked the link and I was redirected to The New Yorker website. I saw the title and the cover photo first caught my attention. Then, I saw myself reading it. I read it slowly and devoured every line. When I reached page 8, I exclaimed, “Is that it?!” I frantically looked for page 9 hoping I just missed it. But there’s really no page 9.

I liked The Smoker. It’s my second short stories I’ve read two days in a row. The first one is from Lydia Davis entitled, “Story.” I have a copy of her book The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis which I planned to read whenever I feel the need to acquaint myself with literary masterpiece.

I enjoyed reading The Smoker. I really liked it. The story is about Professor Douglas Kerchek and his brainy student Nicole Bonners. Nicole is intelligent, eccentric, well read and a headstrong woman. She knows what she wants even at the age of 19. Professor Douglas enjoys being alone, watching movies and has a boxer’s body with a PhD in his turf. He’s an attractive man, slightly attracted to his dangerously alluring student Nicole. But he never crosses the student – professor line. Until Nicole invited him to a family dinner and he met her parents.

I’ve watched the movie Meet The Parents and I remembered the cat in it. You’ll meet John Stapleton here.

The story is catchy and very entertaining. It immediately caught my attention and my eyes never leave the page until I’ve read everything. I’ve read it twice. No. More than twice until I’m satisfied and ready to let it go and move on to discover new ones to read.


Fighting Redemption. Kate McCarthy

ImageIt took me long to read Fighting Redemption because I felt I wasn’t ready for this book. I read from numerous reviews that it was stuffed with intense emotions – angst, insecurities, selfishness, etc. which kept me putting off this book for a while. What made me decide to read this? I was itching and dead curious why it got such high ratings and tons of reviews from Goodreads. I guess the only way to find out is to read it.

Before I proceed, you are forewarned that there are some spoilers here. Read at your own risk.

Fighting Redemption is a poignant story of a boy’s struggle, so determined to get out of his father’s custody and the only way to achieve it is to pursue his dream of becoming a SAS soldier. It’s also a poignant story of a man’s struggle who kept his feelings hidden for someone who he considers his life.

Ryan Kendall, Jake and Finlay Tanners started their friendship since childhood. They went to the same school. Ryan first saw Finlay in his school when she stumbled in front of him, helped her and scolded his friends who laughed at her. Then came Jake, Finlay’s older brother. Jake has this easy – to – love, hard – to – resist charming personality who immediately unloose Ryan’s wary personality. From then on, they were inseparable. When Ryan saw Finlay for the first time, he knew then that Finlay was the one. A young love started to bloom since then.

Ryan was a broken boy, beaten up by his drunken father and a mother who couldn’t protect him from his abusive father. He stayed with the Tanner’s most of the time, which became his extended family in order to avoid being beaten up whenever his father was on the drunken spree.

“Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you need to be.” He once said this to Finlay and he told her he’s leaving come morning for the Army. This was the time Fin started dating. This was the stage in Finlay’s life that gave him more reason to leave because he couldn’t bear to see her in someone’s arm making her happy like he used to do.

Ryan and Jake became more than blood brothers who both served in the Army and belong in the same group. They went home and both stayed at Finlay’s cottage. After six years of no communication from Ryan, Finlay had moved on (or so she thought). She had a promising career and Ian who loves her. When Jake and Ryan returned from their service, they decided to move in in her cottage. Seeing Ryan once again, Finlay remembered the pain she felt when he left her.  She tried to move on with her life but Ryan, being constantly around her, complicated her relationship with Ian, making her more confused. This where my head started to ache.

As much as Ian wanted to give everything for Finlay so he could have all her love and attention, he knew then that he didn’t own her heart from the start. He knew he was coming second best to everything she did in her life. Who would not be tired of that? He gave his 100% but then, it wasn’t enough for her. He didn’t stand a chance with Ryan being around or not. So, he cut her loose.

Finlay did try to work things out with Ian. She did try at least. She was fair with Ian. She didn’t want the guilt hanging around while she’s into Ian and at the same time she still loves Ryan. But, as much as she tried to love Ian, she knew Ryan was all she wanted from the beginning but couldn’t have.

Ryan. You are a very difficult man, really. What didn’t work for me was how Ryan kept running away from Finlay which was contrary to what he felt towards her for years. That I don’t get. As much as I don’t want to say it, I don’t much like it. How could he run away to someone he declared she’s his life and yet, he kept doing it?  Why all these drama? Couldn’t he give himself a chance to be happy for once? He’s been yearning for a relationship with her for years yet, he kept pushing her away. Ryan believed he’s not enough for Finlay because of who he was. He served his country well by becoming one of the best SAS soldiers in their group. He was able to get away from his father.  He’s broken, I get that. He loves his career more than anything else, I get that too. (When one reached the peak of his/her career, isn’t it about time to focus on the ‘love’ thing. Isn’t that the usual thing? I don’t know, I may be wrong but that’s what I would do. If I have everything in life and love is the missing link in my life, I would work harder on that and would take my chance. But, anyway, this isn’t about me. This is about Ryan. Sigh.) There were more unhappy moments when they were together than the happy ones. Every time they were together, they made out, argued and then Ryan would walk away right through the door. Running away and going to war was his own escape rather than confront his fears and tell Finlay what was eating him. Everything that happened to him was already in the past.  He can’t undo everything. He can only do is face the now but that isn’t the case in this book.  He loved to wallow in his pain.

The scene that touched me most and tore my heart to pieces was when a chaplain knocked to Finlay’s door to announce the death of her brother, Jake. That scene really made me teary because I knew this happened in real life. I felt her pain and the families who had lost their loved ones in the war. This scene really broke my heart. This was the only scene and Kyle, helped me to get through this book.

The title said it all about Ryan. He’s fighting his own redemption. Ryan and Finlay gave me headaches while reading this. Don’t worry, there is HEA here which is obviously written in the prologue. What I have learned in reading this book is this: It’s like eating fish. You swallow the meat and you throw away the bones. Don’t swallow everything. Yes, this story is very emotional and irritating for me most of the times. The POV of the characters are at times confusing, which I had to go back and read the last paragraph to figure out who was talking.

This is just my personal opinion. This is how I see the book. I don’t owe anyone. If you want über drama book, try this one. Happy reading!


13 February 2014

Searching For Someday. Jennifer Probst

ImageI decided to read this book, kept an open mind and kicked skepticism behind. My sole purpose in mind is to be entertained, experienced it at my own pace at my own time. I have no high expectation. I picked the book because of its blurb and catchy book cover which I find classy and interesting. Although I have read much of its reviews from Goodreads with opposing reactions, I wanted to know for myself what the book has to offer for me. Kindle ready, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and delved into the story.

This is the gist. Kate is an entrepreneur and successful in her own way who partly owned and managed Kinnections, a match-making company set up in Verily, with her two other business partners and friends way back in college. After her 100th date gone bad, she swore never to date again and promised herself to focus more in her business.

Slade is the hot shot divorce lawyer. Accomplished everything he had planned and had his eyes of becoming one of the partners in his law firm. He could get any woman he wanted and be gone after getting laid.

It was opposite poles attract thing. Kate believed in love with happily ever after ending. Slade thought there was no such thing. Kate wanted permanent relationship. Slade liked it temporary. She believed in love. He believed in oxytocin. Both were very aware of their attractions to each other like magnet pulling them together even if they fought it.

The plot was believable for me. Really, it was. Kate could determine if the couples were meant for each other or soul mates. Her troubles started when she was accidentally touched by Slade and that ‘spark thing’ like strong volt of electricity jolted both their bodies and knocked up their primal needs. It was like their hormones gone wild even at a slightest touch. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.

They had this push and pull relationship thing. Slade wanted Kate but then he wasn’t sure whether to push the relationship forward and pull out immediately if things turned rough. Kate didn’t want to push things further because Slade couldn’t give what she wanted in a relationship.

This book isn’t for skeptics and cynics because of Kate’s ability. It inspired subtle fantasy, a make believed for someone looking for her soul mate and hoping someday for a relationship with a happily ever after ending. This book is suited for individuals who deep in their hearts could still believe in magic, who could still giggle like a teenager who hadn’t touched yet by skepticism and cynicism.

The story didn’t drag me to sleep. I did finish it at the phase I set for myself. I did enjoy reading it although I didn’t feel like re-reading it again. Why? It’s an enjoyable read, predictable, funny at some point and cute. Really, it isn’t bad to give it a try.

Besides, I got what I wanted. I was entertained and it left me smiling until the last page. It made me think about my present relationship with my man. I was always wondering if he was my soul mate. I kept on thinking if I made the right decision of spending my life with him. Sometimes, we disagree or argue a lot. It was always like that especially during our first two years of being together living under one roof. Back then, giving up was the easiest way out than patching things up to make the relationship work. Now, as I see myself after we were able to pull out that disastrous two years we had, I could only laugh at it. At the end of the day, we were able to compromise our differences. We agree to disagree, patch things up and take it one day at a time. This book reminded me that, “love is a funny thing. There are no guarantees, just the day-to-day and the moment. You make vows, hope for the best, and do your damnedest to love the person you’re with.”


27 January 2014

Bone Deep. Bonnie Dee

ImageI promised myself not to start reading a new book when I was about to go to sleep. I should have listened more to myself. But then, the ‘itch’ couldn’t stop so I promised myself I could read one more chapter then I would go back to sleep. It’s like addiction, once I started reading Bone Deep, I COULDN’T STOP. I find myself going to the other room so I won’t get caught by my man still awake in the wee hours of the morning.

This book will not make you feel the carnival setting at all. The introduction yes, but throughout the entire story it isn’t. Tom was tattooed from his shaved head down to his toes. Even his face was tattooed. Every part of his body was inked like a canvass full of colors and images each depicting different stories. He grew up in the carnival under Art Reed’s carefully laid manipulated lies, who subject him to constant abuse like starving him so that he could be turned into a human canvass, forcing him to receive ‘visitors’ so that he could be sexually abused and earn him extra food. He was uneducated and worst of all, unloved. He was part of the show where people went to his tent to pay for a quarter and then gawk at his body where only a loincloth covered his private body parts. Then he saw Sarah in front of him, their eyes met and there was this instant connection between them. There was no talking on their part but it was their eyes that do that for them.

He had this deep blue eyes gazing only at her. When he looked at Sarah, I felt like he was also looking at me. It’s like I also felt what Sarah felt when he looked at her. My belly wobbled and my toes sweat. Really, when I read that part, it was like I was with them. Maybe, if I came across a blue – eyed guy and looked at me that way, I would offer him a cup of coffee and let me stare at his eyes until he drunk the last drop of it. Seriously, I might. (So, where are they?) Lol.

It wasn’t a chance meeting. Sarah went to her barn the following morning and was surprised to see him there. She instantly recognized him because the minute she saw him inside that tent, she had never forgotten him; never forgotten his eyes. He didn’t have to talk much to convince her that he meant no harm but it was his eyes that made Sarah instantly trusted him so she offered him a job as her handyman in exchanged for food and bed.

Tom, for me, was sweet, sexy and unique even if he didn’t open his mouth. He’s a quiet man who was deeply attracted to Sarah and couldn’t verbally say what he felt but his mere presence around her and those intense eyes solemnly gazing at her which turned into different shades of blue when he got turned on were like electric current crawling into her skin. It rebounded in to her skin causing her to back away.

“His maleness and his body heat crowded her. It was too potent. He was too potent.”

Oh, man, I was like drooling for Tom the whole night I was reading this. I couldn’t blame Sarah if she fought for something that made her happy even if up to the extent of going against what their townsfolk considered unconventional and ‘sinful.’ Tom was unorthodox in different ways. He was too damaged and she was too lonely. It was year 1946 where wearing a tattoo and a single woman living alone didn’t allow a man in her home was considered taboo. Prejudice from her nosy town people hit them hard when they turned out as lovers. Should I say more about the sexy, steamy, hot scenes in the bedroom and the barn? Well, you have to read this book to find out. I didn’t know how I would describe what I felt while reading those scenes. It’s like I wanted that too for myself though. Lol.

Going back to the story. I felt for him so much my heart hurt when Tom described to Sarah the story he created from that piece of cut out magazine he always carried inside his pocket which revealed how much he loved to have that kind of family he would never have. I felt sorry for him.

I was thrilled towards the end of the book when they have both their HEA. They both deserved to be happy especially Tom considering what he went through all his life. I don’t want to give out everything in this book so I would leave you all guessing. Hahaha!

These are my two wish lists for this book. I would like to hear more from Tom’s POV aside from his short monosyllable answers to Sarah. I would have given anything just so I would know what was he thinking every time he looks into Sarah’s eyes like he is in a state of trance pulling her into his world as if only the two of them exist. It was too short, at least for me. There should be at least an epilogue but nonetheless, Bone Deep will always be one of my favorite romance books.

Lethal. Sandra Brown

I got impatient. So, I cheated. I skipped the part about the assassin’s dilemma and went to reading the last few pages. Image

“What the f@ck was going on?” I asked myself. I couldn’t believe what I’ve read! I didn’t get it, so I went over it again twice, no, four times.

Then, realization dawned on me.

Now, I’m stuck with this book. I don’t want to go back reading the other chapters I’ve intentionally skipped. All I want is Lee Coburn’s happy-ever-after story! Why is he such a jerk?? Why did he do that to himself?!

Now, I’m broken-hearted. I felt like cheated big time. It left me hanging and feeling incomplete. No wonder some readers loathed this book.

Coburn is lethal in every essence – masochistic, deadly and dangerous. He has to kill or be killed. No pretense, no sugar-coating of reality on his part. He’s just so damned honest to accept death as his final destiny. That’s the best part of reading this book. He made me feel his angst, frustrations and loneliness. It pains me deeply to see him leave like that. I hated him for doing it, but at some point, I realized that’s what he is and should be.

The hopeless romantic part of me hopes that if only he’s been honest with himself he wouldn’t end up alone. But he’s not like that. He’s oozing with courage but deep inside of him he’s afraid of something.

I felt like I wanted to do something for him. But… Nah. I’m so deeply rooted into his character I almost forgot this isn’t real. I couldn’t have Lee Coburn but neither Honor. Silly of me. LOL. I still like this book even if this is quite a sad story.